Letter to the Editors

This letter was written in response to Amanda Seebaugh's column that appeared in the October 18, 2007 print issue of The Pharos.

Dear Editors:

I have grown since coming to college. In my three years (and change) here at Wesleyan, I have learned more than what can be taught in lecture halls. Some of these lessons have been very difficult. Perhaps one of the most difficult, and yet obvious, is that communication is the key to any relationship, whether it be with your significant other, your friends, your professors, God – whoever. Though some might not recognize it, communication is important with your peers, as well, even if you don’t consider yourself to be in a direct relationship with them. What you do and say may come in conflict or agreement with what other people do and say, even if you aren’t interacting personally. In a way, this is communication within a relationship.

Upon reading Amanda Seebaugh’s latest article, I recall these things. She makes several valid points. She has brought a pressing issue to the forefront and it might make many people uncomfortable to have opinions expressed so bluntly that until now only seemed to be undercurrents. Some may react with indignation, claiming that the problem rests with the “closed minded, out-of-date, and mean” Christians. Others may express empathy and feel defensive about their own beliefs as well. Neither of these stances is helpful to the communication required to handle the situation.

Open communication between people of different faiths and practices is desperately needed on this campus. What are the true differences and what are the roots of conflict? These questions should be approached with open dialogue that is non-judgmental. Those involved should understand that they will walk away not having gained a convert but instead a better understanding of someone else’s beliefs.

I recognize a double-standard that exists within our language on this campus. Many people have worked against the use of the word “gay” as an adjective to describe something undesired and there has been success with that. However, many of these same people, if they were to become particularly frustrated, might growl, “Jesus Christ!” This is something Amanda claims to be particularly offensive. If you ask others to check their language, I think it would only be fair to check your own language as well. This comes from understanding.

Speaking of frustration, it seems to run deep with the students here. Hot topics such as homosexuality are closely intertwined with ones’ spiritual beliefs. These are also political issues (same-sex marriage, for example), making the need to discuss them all the more necessary and yet, when they are mentioned, people roll their eyes. The talking points have already been spoon-fed to the opposing camps by the spindoctors and no one wants to hear them rehashed. The world of politics does not stand still while we grow tired of the issues at hand – Congress still passes laws despite our short attention span. Now is the time when we should be gaining a deeper understanding of what the other side has to say. Why do some people believe homosexuality is wrong? Can you ask this question of someone and listen patiently to their answer, honestly trying to understand where they are coming from?

It is difficult. And yet, it is necessary. What can be gained from letting our anger and frustration rule our discussions? Does this help anyone on either side of the debate? I encourage the people of this campus to speak with someone about something on which you disagree. Ask questions curiously, not spitefully. Let go of your concerns about being judged and simply learn from one another. Share what you believe, what you’ve learned here and elsewhere, and this will lead to a better understanding of that which once frustrated you.

--Josh Briscoe